Are you ready for LOVE?

Are you ready for LOVE?

Word Count:
997

Summary:
Want More Love and Joy? Has your current relationship lost its sizzle? What prevents you from being 'in love'?  Sexual Desires respond to outside forces such as stress and emotional experiences. Your sexual desires often change. Discover five tips to re-sexualize your self and improve your sex life.  Learn how resistance prevents you from having the love you desire. As you begin to feel better about yourself, people will begin to notice you differently.

Keywords:
attraction, sex appeal, love, sex, romance, relationships, dating

Article Body:
Are you at a place in your life where you aren't attracting the love you want?Has your current relationship lost its sizzle? What prevents you from being 'in love'? How much energy do you exert NOT to love yourself or others? It takes more effort NOT to love, than to love.

Want More Love and Joy?

In order to make room for what you do want, you have to release and let go of the things you don't want. To attract what you want, you will want to let go of everything that keeps you away from Love. Like attracts like.

Unless you want to continue on your current path, you are probably overdue of letting go of emotional pain of a break-up, past failures or the need for approval. Maybe you continuously seek recognition at work or have unrealistic expectations for yourself. Thoughts like, "I'm not attractive" or "I will never have a loving relationship" need to be purged. 

What You Resist – Persists

As long as you continue to resist painful memories and limiting thoughts and beliefs you create separation. You create separation from your true self. You separate yourself from what you are 'love'! And, love remains illusive. 

Are you resisting painful experiences from your past? Are you doing everything you can to forget the past? Maybe you think that the more you put your past behind you, the less effect it will have on you.

Do you spend hours contemplating problems? When you focus on your problems, they persist. Your contempt for your problems fuels and strengthens them. The more energy you direct to your problems and pain, you create 'stress' and 'dis-ease'. 

Are You Holding on to Pain?

Do you find yourself watching endless hours of TV? Are you trying to escape emotional and spiritual pain by taking drugs or alcohol? Do you overeat to escape the pain? Do you use your computer for hours on end to escape? What distractions take you out of being present with what you are feeling? Stored up pain such as hatred, anger, fear, frustration, apathy, depression etc. become scattered in your body and energetic space.

Releasing Stuck Pain or Resistance

If you have ever been light-headed from hunger and then felt a sigh of contentment as you fed your body the perfect meal, you've experienced grounding. If you've ever melted into the back rub you got from a trusted person at the end of a stressful day, you've experienced being grounded. 

Grounding is a simple process of connecting to the Earth that many people do naturally throughout the course of a day. Anything that brings you to the sense of pleasure and release is grounding. When you are grounded, you feel centered focused, and present. 

People connect with their bodies and the Earth in many ways: through touch and body work, through eating, through being out in nature or in water, through contact with animals and through healthy sex. Visualizing, an imaginary grounding cord, is a way to release foreign energy from your body so that it can experience love and joy. 

Create a Path for Releasing to Feel Safe and Happy

A grounding cord provides a way to flush out pent up energy and emotion so you can feel good about yourself. It is a way to move energy as it comes towards you, rather than letting it get stuck in the body. When foreign energy gets stuck in the body, it stops the natural flow of energy and might manifest as depression, a migraine headache, aches, pain, or eventually illness. 

Effortless Release Every Day for More Love

Grounding works much like a drain or waterfall. When you pour water down the drain you probably never wonder ….:"where did it go?" Be patient with yourself and have fun with your new toy. Grounding becomes as natural like breathing or smiling with practice. 

Consider releasing other people's problems, your worries and anxiety that are weighing you down... Keep it simple and stay amused with yourself. Tune into being in harmony with this process of grounding and letting everything go effortlessly.

Grounding is such an invaluable tool in healing yourself that it's worth taking the time to be sure you can do it easily and comfortably. With practice, you can train yourself to be connected with the earth all of the time.  Don't create any limits for yourself on how much you can release without effort.

Grounding Cord Visualization

To revitalize and refresh your body, mind and spirit take the first step by letting go with grounding. It is always the first step to all the subsequent steps in this book. From the base of your spine, make a connection to the healing planet energy to release excess energy and stabilize your body.
1.  Close eyes but stay focused.
• Be aware of own body with your feet flat on the floor.
Create a mental image of line of energy between base of spine and the center of the planet.
• Connect a grounding cord into the center of earth.
• Secure the grounding cord snuggly at the base of your spine.
• Notice your breathing.
• Using the gravitational pull of the planet start to release foreign or stuck energy from your body and aura.
• Notice how your body feels while grounding. Imagine seeing stuck energy draining out of you. 

Remember to:
1. Start your day with by grounding yourself.
2. Check in with yourself during the day to see if you have a grounding cord.
3. Notice what happens in your body as you release using your grounding cord. 

Grounding is one way to bring your self back into alignment with your essence– love. Practice the following grounding meditation 10-15 minutes each day. The more you practice to better your results.

 

Are you lonely in this crowd

Are you lonely in this crowd

Word Count:
659

Summary:
This world is a crowd. We all live in a crowd. Our family, our friends, our business associates, our co-workers, and our community. All these form a crowd for us not in the dictionary sense, but let us say that we are always getting connected with someone, somewhere and are not living on an island alone. Even then, many of us feel lonely. Are you one of them? Read on...

Keywords:
isolation,lonliness,alone,confidence,advice,peace,motivation

Article Body:
This world is a crowd. We all live in a crowd. Our family, our friends, our business associates, our co-workers, and our community. All these form a crowd for us not in the dictionary sense, but let us say that we are always getting connected with someone, somewhere and are not living on an island alone. Even then, many of us feel lonely. Are you one of them?

Being lonely means - you are not able to share your deepest thoughts with anyone. You have issues at home. You have issues at office. You have issues with your relatives. You have issues with your friends. You are carrying so much of hurt and guilt inside yourself. You want to do many things, and at times, need help. You don't know, whom to ask? You feel lonely. You feel all alone. You feel that no one understands you. Despite all your trials, you fail to share and convey your feelings. If you talk about office issues with your wife/husband or your girlfriend/boyfriend, you are not able to get any good advice. They all have their suggestions and analysis of your situation, but that differs greatly from what you believe to be true. Therefore, you shut up after talking for a while with them.

You have friends with whom you try to talk about your problems. But they want to tell you theirs first. What is taken quite seriously by you, is considered ordinary by others. What do you do? Should you consult a psychiatrist? How will that help? Your character, and your thinking. Is something wrong with them? Who will tell you? Who will guide? You feel very disturbed at all the times. You want peace in your mind. You go out to walk alone, but your thoughts don't leave you anywhere. This agitation of mind is becoming intolerable. You feel lonely. You want to talk with someone who will understand your point of view and tell you what to do? 

Are you one of such people? Do you feel lonely? Do you also feel that you have no one to share your deepest thoughts? Have you started feeling that everyone is selfish? No one has got time for you? No one wants to understand you? No one cares for you?

What can you do in such a situation? You may be feeling helpless, but something ought to be done. The first step in such agitation should be to avoid thinking for some time during the day. Involve yourself in some such activity that takes your mind away from itself. Any activity that will engross you completely. A good movie, a good novel, some magazines, a TV show, any activity that takes the mind away will give some peace. The next step would be to find out if anyone you know is also facing such a state? How does he/she do that? For this you will have to shift your attention from yourself to others. Begin listening to others. Ask them about their problems and listen. You may probably find that there are few others who are also in the same boat. Even if you are not religious, try to talk to God. Tell Him about what all goes on in your life and your mind. Ask Him to help you.

One who feels lonely in the crowd of people, must first raise his/her self-esteem. You must say - 'OK. Other than God, no one will understand what I am facing. That is OK. I will set some exciting goals for myself. I will try to achieve them. For me, my life is very important. I will live my life in such a way that I feel proud of it. I am a good person and I know that. I don't honestly care if others are not understanding me. I will try to understand their problems and help them. Rather than asking for help, let me start giving.'

 

Are You Just An Armchair Adventurer?

Are You Just An Armchair Adventurer?

Word Count:
767

Summary:
Telltale signs that separate the dreamers from the doers

Keywords:
fear, self improvement, personal development, personal growth, success, inspiration, motivation, self help, confidence, adventure, lifestyle, achievement, mind power

Article Body:

It is a simple fact known by everybody who is actively involved in the self-improvement industry. Most of the ambitious, excited people who buy courses, books, audio products, DVDs and seminar places never apply the knowledge they've paid good money for to a real purpose.

Consequently, the information that could drastically improve their lives beyond all recognition remains unused. But there are some people who put their knowledge to use and this is what separates the doers from the armchair adventurers: the courage to take action.

Are you an armchair adventurer? Here's 5 telltale signs that mark out those who never quite manage to "walk the talk" and who prefer to sit in solitude watching, thinking and reading about it instead.

1. Have you got a large and ever growing collection of self-improvement products? Is your bookshelf GROANING with the weight of book after book by various gurus and experts? Is your DVD player in danger of getting indigestion from the number of "motivating" DVDs you watch night after night? Is your car's CD player in danger of burnout because of the number of affirming CD's you play to and from work each day? If so, score 1 for the armchair adventurer.

2. Do you like to share your knowledge with your pals over beer and pool? Telling them about how good you feel using affirmations every day and how you're going to change your life – soon. But three months later, you're still talking about the latest product you've bought and how you know you're "growing". Sounds familiar? Add another point to the "armchair adventurer" column.

3. Having read so many books, you'll know how important it is to set goals. But have you set any goals? Have you constantly reviewed them and measured progress and set new goals? If you haven't, is it because you're still reading about it and you're not quite sure what goals to set? Nevermind, pour yourself a cold one, put your feet up, read yet another goal setting book and score one more in the "armchair adventurer" column.

4. How's the planning coming along? Ah, the plans aren't quite finished yet. But haven't you been working on them for months? Yet each time you're about to take action, you find another area of concern that you need to read up about. Better not take any action until you're absolutely sure that nothing can go wrong. After all, you don't want anything unexpected to come along and scupper your plans do you? Better to be safe than sorry, so go ahead, nip down to the library and get yourself a book called "How To Do Anything You Want Without Taking Risks From The Comfort Of Your Armchair". Don't forget to add one more to your armchair adventurer score before you leave.

5. Finally, after all of the reading, watching and listening you've done, why is your life still pretty much the same? Is it because: You haven't got enough money? You have a family and they come first? You're too old? You're too young? Your dog has fleas? Your cat doesn't want to move and the stress would kill it? You haven't got the time to do what you really want to do? Time-out! I'm running out of white space – can we quit with the excuses now and just agree that you're not prepared to overcome fear and live the life you truly want because you're an armchair adventurer? Yes? That's cool, but please can you add one point for each excuse you use to your armchair adventurer score. Wow, that score is mounting up isn't it?

I know the above points are hard hitting but I'm trying to open your eyes to a simple truth: All of these self-improvement products – and there are some very, very good ones, mine included – are completely WORTHLESS unless you act on the fantastic information they contain. Armchair adventuring is fine, nothing wrong with sitting down and reading so long as you know what the consequences are if you don't apply your knowledge to a purpose.

But isn't it better to read and then put your knowledge into action? Why be an armchair adventurer when you can experience the joy and satisfaction of real life adventure by putting the books down, getting up off your armchair and applying what you've learned to get the life what you want. Go on, just do it!

Until next time.

 

Are You Giving Yourself A Hard Time?

Are You Giving Yourself A Hard Time?

Word Count:
409

Summary:
Are you constantly criticizing yourself for every little time you do wrong, for example saying things to ourselves like…."I should have said this"… "Look I can't even do this simple thing"… "Everyone thinks I'm stupid" etc, etc.

Keywords:
breath,yoga,fitness,self development

Article Body:
Are you constantly criticizing yourself for every little time you do wrong, for example saying things to ourselves like…."I should have said this"… "Look I can't even do this simple thing"… "Everyone thinks I'm stupid" etc, etc.

I put my hand up too, I know I'm guilty of this as well as everyone, I often say things like "I wonder will anybody read this article" or "maybe they will think it stinks" blah, blah, blah.

But when you think of it if you had a best friend and you talked to them like this how long would they stay with you?.. Or would they even want to be around you? But we do this everyday and, when you really think about you'll never be able to escape from "you" no matter how far you run, so today give yourself a break!!

We often go through our day to day life being constantly stressed out and on edge but when you think about it how much stress is actually coming from the outside and how much are you actually making yourself through negative thinking and letting your imagination run away with you?? So, today treat yourself and give yourself a pep talk

Try out this exercise on yourself when you have some quiet time to yourself. Put your left hand on your heart chakra (this point is in the middle of your chest) and slowly focus on your breathing as you do this, imagine your breath coming in through your hand and into your chest and with every inhalation feel a wave of relaxation entering with it.

And as you breathe out feel the stress going out of your body back out through your hand. When you find yourself starting to relax, start to say some positive affirmations to yourself out loud. Congratulate yourself for all that you've done that day and anything positive else you'd like to say.

If you find it a bit awkward to think of things to say to yourself …. mentally step back and think of you as a small child or a friend you really like and imagine what nice things they'd like to hear you say to them and then say these to yourself.

You'll definitely start to feel a lot better about yourself and probably in the future you'll catch yourself before you call yourself something nasty or start to pick on yourself!!

 

Are You Free of Panic Attacks?

Are You Free of Panic Attacks?

Word Count:
378

Summary:
While they can be caused by a number of things - heredity, biological forces, even exaggerated thinking - the main culprit is usually stress.

Keywords:
panic, panic attack, medications, therapy,

Article Body:
You may not realize it, but you may suffer from something that can take over your whole world if you let it.  You'll recognize the symptoms, but you'll have no idea what's behind them. 

Panic attacks are debilitating.  One moment, you're living your day to day lifestyle and the next, you find yourself paralyzed with the feeling that you've lost all control.  You worry about the possibility of something happening to you.  It all comes on so quickly and unexpected, that you're blown away and the only thing you want to do is go right back home.

While they can be caused by a number of things - heredity, biological forces, even exaggerated thinking - the main culprit is usually stress.  As stress plays such a huge factor in our day to day lives, we don't realize just how profoundly we're affected until something highly stressful approaches and we're struck with a panic attack, afraid of absolutely everything that may come our way.  Finding a proper stress relief is crucial in order to help limit the number of panic attacks a person has at any given point in their life.  If stress is controlled before panic and anxiety set in, there is a better likelihood of being able to stop panic attacks before they start.

The symptoms of a panic attack are obvious enough:  the rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, the feeling of dizziness and dread, trembling, sudden chills,and the pins and needles feeling in your fingers and toes are only a few of many symptoms.  In any given year, there millions of people who experience a panic attack - some of which experience repeated panic attacks.

The best course of action for panic attacks would be to talk to your doctor, who can prescribe medications and forms of therapy to assist with the treatment of those feelings of panic.  Only your doctor would know the treatment that is best for you.  While a panic attack may leave you feeling the need to hide and can feel as though it controls every aspect of your life, it doesn't have to.  With proper treatment and reduced stress, you can reduce the number of panic attacks you have, and can even eliminate them!  A happy, healthy life is once again within your reach.

 

Are You Feeling Paranoid?

Are You Feeling Paranoid?

Word Count:
447

Summary:
I have never been a person that is constantly afraid of something going wrong with my health or of dying. In fact, I have spent most of my life without fears about health or death. My wife, on the other hand, has always been really concerned about issues relating to her health and to the health of the ones she loves most. I guess some would call her paranoid about health issues.

I had never met someone so paranoid about health issues until I met my wife. It took me a few y...

Keywords:
paranoid

Article Body:
I have never been a person that is constantly afraid of something going wrong with my health or of dying. In fact, I have spent most of my life without fears about health or death. My wife, on the other hand, has always been really concerned about issues relating to her health and to the health of the ones she loves most. I guess some would call her paranoid about health issues.

I had never met someone so paranoid about health issues until I met my wife. It took me a few years to really understand where she was coming from when she would urge me to the doctor at the first sign of a cough or cold. I spent the first years of my married life quite frustrated by her and her constant paranoid ideas about our health and life.

My wife decided to begin going to counseling to discuss her issues of being paranoid about health and disease and dying. She asked me to accompany her and I agreed with great joy. I wanted to take every opportunity I could not only to understand my wife, but also to learn how I could better partner with her and understand her needs. I had no idea just how paranoid she was about sickness and death, nor do I think she knew, until we walked away from her first counseling session a few years ago.

The counselor quickly pointed out that her extremely paranoid thoughts and feelings about every symptom that may be abnormal were directly tied to losing her mother suddenly when she was a young girl. Of course, both of us had thought about the possibility of that connection, but never before had we so seriously thought through the implications of a small child losing her mother without warning.

Of course losing a parent unexpectedly would create the atmosphere for possible paranoid thoughts and feelings about death. If your mother had no symptoms of sickness and then she suddenly died, why wouldn't you be paranoid that one day you would just die as well? My wife's paranoid thoughts and feelings were being explained to her and to myself in ways we had never thought of before.

She has been able to find almost total freedom from her paranoid thoughts of death and dying as she has come to grips with the fact that her mother's death was not her fault and that sometimes sickness and death gets the best of us. If you or someone you know struggles with paranoid thoughts as well, I'd urge you to get into a counselor as soon as possible. You do not have to live that way any longer.

 

6 Tips To Cope With Isolation From One Successful Stay-At-Home-Mother

6 Tips To Cope With Isolation From One Successful Stay-At-Home-Mother

Word Count:
570

Summary:
Ask any woman who's had a baby and they'll tell you it is the most rewarding experience of their lives. However, after months and months of spending your entire day with an infant, you begin to feel as though you are losing touch with the adult world, particularly if you are accustomed to a fast-paced work life.

Nowadays, many women put their careers first and wait until later in life to bear children. This transition from professional work to home life can be a surprising...

Keywords:
toddler clothes, baby, toddler clothes, toddler clothing, baby clothes

Article Body:
Ask any woman who's had a baby and they'll tell you it is the most rewarding experience of their lives. However, after months and months of spending your entire day with an infant, you begin to feel as though you are losing touch with the adult world, particularly if you are accustomed to a fast-paced work life.

Nowadays, many women put their careers first and wait until later in life to bear children. This transition from professional work to home life can be a surprisingly difficult transition. For most women, staying at home is about as different from their previous careers as you can imagine. Life at home can also be a shock because so many professional women never thought they'd end up there, couple that with the disappearance of the "extended family" and many stay-at-home-moms deal with feeling lonely.

After losing their colleagues at work, women often feel friendless and alone as they get used to their new job at home. Unless an effort is made to get out and meet people, mothers at home face days on end with no one to talk to but young, uncommunicative children. Without regular adult interaction, stay-at-home mothers may also feel as though they are losing their edge. Others may sense their intellect is slipping away from a lack of use. In some cases, isolation can make mothers feel so psychologically depleted they find it hard to cope with anything.

When you spend every waking moment of every day with your kids, the quantity of time you spend with them actually diminishes the quality of the time you get to share with them. I discovered that one profitable way to channel my energy was to start my own online business selling high-quality children's clothing. I was amazed at how this process helped to keep my mind sharp which in turn improved the quality of time I spent with my children. After spending several months developing a website and locating a supplier Best Dressed Tots became a reality.

Here are 6 Tips to Help Maintain Your Sanity:

1. Find a project to help channel some of your energy to keep your mind
sharp. (This is the most important tip!) This will improve the quality of time you spend with your family.

2. Enroll into a course or class of interest. Taking a business class or seminar at your local college or community center can help sharpen your skills and provide the interaction you need to stay productive. Look into online options if getting out of the house is impossible.

3. Join a local gym or find a mother-toddler exercise class to help maintain your physical health. Exercise is crucial to your overall well being and will help break up the monotony of a long day home with the kids.

4. Stay connected by creating a blog. Today thousands of women write blogs that pivot on a variety of subjects. Blogging about your new experiences as a mother is a great way to express your thoughts and opinions.

5. Check into the events being held at your local library. Many local libraries offer a variety of classes, seminars, and shows for mothers and children to attend. You'll be surprised at the range and quality of events your library may have available for free!

6. Occupy yourself with journal writing. This simple practice only requires a pencil and a notepad and will provide you with endless benefits.

 

5 Ways To Maximise Your Personal Energy Supply

5 Ways To Maximise Your Personal Energy Supply

Word Count:
687

Summary:
Different governments, officials, environmental agencies exhort us to conserve the energy we use in order to save the environment and sustain our continued existence on the planet.

On a personal level I think that we also need to know how to conserve, focus and maximise our own personal supply of energy. We unconsciously dissipate and waste our energy on people, situations, thoughts, attitudes and events which do not serve us well. This leaves less space and energy for cre...

Keywords:
personal energy, release, resistance, creating, attracting, abundance,

Article Body:
Different governments, officials, environmental agencies exhort us to conserve the energy we use in order to save the environment and sustain our continued existence on the planet.

On a personal level I think that we also need to know how to conserve, focus and maximise our own personal supply of energy. We unconsciously dissipate and waste our energy on people, situations, thoughts, attitudes and events which do not serve us well. This leaves less space and energy for creating and attracting the kind of abundance that we want in our lives.

Interestingly enough I've also found that as I conserve, focus and thereby maximise my energy, I tend to use less energy on craving and acquiring "stuff", but more energy focusing on what is truly important to me, thereby helping the environment.

So here are 5 Ways to Maximise Your Personal Energy Supply.

1. Release Resistance

Releasing resistance will affect a profound change in your level of energy and how you view the world. Resistance often feels as though we are going against ourselves in order to satisfy some internal authority or a myriad of "shoulds" "oughts" and "have tos". It takes a tremendous amount of energy to be resistant.

Related feelings and behaviour include: procrastination, using willpower and discipline to effect change (otherwise known as "I Have To Struggle To Achieve What I Want"!), stubborness, inflexibility, wanting to be right rather than happy (a very popular one:), holding onto self limiting beliefs way past their sell by date.

Releasing resistance can be as easy as just making a decision to let go of whatever you are holding onto. Energy therapy also helps release resistance at a very deep level.

2. Reduce time watching TV

Watching TV unconsciously is very exhausting. Haven't you noticed that when you watch TV continuously and do little else, you become extremely tired? That's because you are merely a passive recipient of information that you're not fully engaged with. On an energetic level, taking in all of those rays from the TV (similar to a computer) is overstimulating on a physiological level. Of course while you are watch TV, it means that you're not doing something more productive.

Am I saying that you stop watching TV altogether? No, but to be more selective and watch only those programs that you are engaged with. I'd also say that stop watching the TV news - all of that manufactured fear really affects you on a cellular level. I find that my mindset, moods and overall energy improve significantly when I watch less TV.

 3. Consciously create vacuums

Ever heard of the saying: "Nature abhors a vacuum". If you clean out an area of your life, you are giving the Universe a message to bring in something to replace it. This is otherwise known as energetic and/or physical clutter clearing. Start with either. Most people find it easier to start with clearing out the physical which has an effect on their energies. You are consciously creating the space for change to occur and inviting what you want into your life. This is much much easier than efforting to make things happen.

4. Avoid/deal with Energy Vampires

One of the quickest ways to get an energy boost is to disassociate yourself from those with those whose energy drains you. It is very effective. Unfortunately, it also becomes a little more difficult if they are your partner, member of your family, work colleagues or boss. It helps to develop a stronger set of boundaries and energetic protection, so that they are less likely to affect you in this way.

5. Create quiet time for yourself every day.

Not to do anything (unless it relaxes you), but just to clear and refresh your mind. We are human beings, not doings. There are times when our crowded schedule and minds don't allow space and time for the creative to be welcomed in. Einstein liked to go sailing in the afternoons after working in the morning. Okay, most of us don't have this opportunity, but you get the point.

If you only do one of the above, then your life will undergo a profound change.

 

5 Top Tips To Discover Your Dream

5 Top Tips To Discover Your Dream

Word Count:
730

Summary:
How To Discover Your True Life Purpose

Keywords:
fear, self improvement, personal development, personal growth, success, mind power, motivation, inspiration, self help

Article Body:
Copyright 2006 Christopher Green

I want to ask you a question. It is the most important question I can ask you, and I wonder if you could provide me with an answer within 10 seconds. Most people cannot. Here it is:

What, exactly, do you want to do with your life?

By exactly, I mean a complete description of how you want to live your life including the most important goal you'd like to achieve. So answers like "make money", "live in a big house", or "meet someone special" have no place here. Such vague, non-specific answers are given by most people, and it is a sure sign that they haven't identified what they really want to do with their lives.

The reason why it is so important to know the answer – in detail – to the question is because the answer reveals your dream. Your dream is unique to you, and it represents something very important to your happiness and growth as a person. It is an expression of the real you and gives enormous meaning and purpose to your life.

So how do you know what your dream is? Many people say to me "If only I knew what I really wanted". If this applies to you, then here's my top tips to identify your dream:

1. Take the time to think seriously about what you want to do with your life. Ask yourself "How would I truly want to spend everyday if I could choose freely". This is serious time and you should spend at least an hour everyday working out the answers to this question.

2. On a sheet of paper, write down all the things you really enjoy doing and that you have a passion for. Write down all of the wonderful things you'd like to try too. For example, my list contains: working with computers, writing, motivating others to succeed, playing guitar, music, cooking, travel, history, the arts.

3. On another sheet of paper, write down all of the things you definitely DON'T want in your life. This is a great technique and brings clarity. For example, on my list, I have: No repetitive work, no bosses, no 9-5, no outdoor tasks, no relationships, no mysticism, no routines. Be honest with this. If you don't like doing something, write it down. Duty has no role here; this is for you. If you don't like doing something, write it down.

4. Ask: "Who is this for?" Do you want to live a dream to gain approval from others or do you want to do it because YOU really want it for yourself? Your dream doesn't need anyone else's approval, it is all about YOUR life, not theirs. Wanting approval for a dream poses a threat: What if others don't approve? Do you make them happy or yourself happy? Have a dream because it is something you truly want to do; something that is important and gives meaning to your life because you deem it so. Obviously, approval from others is nice. But if others don't approve of the lifestyle you choose, then don't let it make a difference to you. Have the courage to be yourself and live the life you deem appropriate and not the life others deem fit for you.

5. Your dream is something special. It should excite you, fill you with a burning passion and a determination to achieve it. If you're lukewarm about it then chances are you won't give it your best shot. It should be something that you absolutely, definitely and positively HAVE to achieve. Failing to achieve it simply isn't an option because it will make you seriously miserable and unhappy if you don't get what you want. It is vital that you have this commitment to your dream because a wishy-washy approach just won't cut the mustard. Think. Plan. Write it all down. Set goals. Then take action each and every day to take you closer to your dream.

Time for me to sign off. Please don't just read this article and then move on to something else. TAKE ACTION. Use the tips to help you identify what it is you want from life. Remember the question:

"What, exactly, do you want to do with your life?"

Only you can provide the precise answers.

Until next time.

 

Are you effective or ineffective in your life?

Are you effective or ineffective in your life?

Word Count:
797

Summary:
Multi-tasking and saying "yes" to too many things can dilute your effectiveness. Find out if you are naturally suited to go deep or wide and you can exponentially increase your effectiveness at work - in life.

Keywords:
self-improvement, self-growth, personal development, life coaching, career coaching, spiritual coaching, professional development, natural talents, career

Article Body:
Copyright 2006 Robin Harris, DesignerLife

Multi-tasking and saying "yes" to too many things can dilute your effectiveness. People who are generalists, by design, can manage the broad sweeping details of several related or unrelated projects. But those who are more inclined to be specialists are naturally designed to go deep not wide.

The generalist will go stir crazy trying to play the role of the specialist and the specialist will lose access to their own competencies and strengths when trying to play the role of the generalist.

We live in a society that tends to make rules and create models for preferred behavioral traits without understanding how they correspond to innate abilities. Everyone is not meant to multi-task and everyone is not meant to specialize. Get it wrong and you have someone who can fall into the spectrum ranging from slightly frustrated and discontent all the way to grossly incompetent and angry.

To cultivate a career that has any hope of yielding its full potential, it needs to build on natural talents, abilities, and gifts (TAG). Talent and ability are the minimum requirements, gifts that find their way into our work life is a bonus. When all three are properly placed in a suitable role and environment, that is where people will rise to the tops of their fields, have the greatest impact, and contribute the most. Not only will their career shine but it makes a perfect segue for a totally satisfying life.

Work that undervalues or under-utilizes our natural abilities dilutes the over all quality of life. It leads to that elusive feeling that something is missing no matter how grand everything else appears to be. It doesn't matter if you command a 7-figure income; money cannot replace the human desire for purposeful and satisfying work.

It is fair to say that most businesses are still operating under an old assumption that talent and abilities are the same as learned skills and knowledge. When it comes to the subject of gifts, this rarely finds it's way into a professional development program. Talents only shine when they are built on a foundation of natural ability or unnatural determination. Abilities are not learned they are innate and raw qualities they make it possible to excel in certain tasks and environments while making it difficult to excel in others.

If you are waiting for a corporate career development path that leverages your TAG, you will likely be disappointed unless you are on the executive development path. Many corporations are much more intentional when it comes to identifying and cultivating a match for executive talent than for the rank-and-file. Well, talented executives without a highly talented and committed team aren't very effective, now are they? Still, it is up to the individual to take ownership of these personal treasures and find ways to integrate them into well-suited careers and work environments.

As the path of evolution closes off once viable options, we approach a daunting crossroad. We have to decide if we are going to be pruned from the vine, wither slowly, or thrive by making new and wiser choices that will force us out of our comfort zone. If we cannot cross over into the new emerging paradigm of work and we are still in our working years, the consequences will separate us from the life of comfort we have grown accustomed to. Companies and whole industries will continue to disappear from the economic playing field and many will attempt to survive change by downsizing and leveraging a global workforce. This strategy may be wise but often leaves the root cause of the problem unresolved and so the problem continues to sprout new symptoms that downsizing and global workforces cannot relieve. Meanwhile, the individual player stands hoping someone will rescue them and just like a deer frozen in the headlights, this reaction to personal threat of survival is often problematic. What are you preparing yourself to do to mitigate such risks? Do you have a financial cushion? Have you invested in keeping yourself marketable even in changing economies? Do you have multiple streams of income? Or is waiting for the storm to pass and hoping it will your only plan of action?

Your natural talents, abilities, and gifts are God-given and they extend beyond industries, local, national, global economies, and emerging technologies that make workers in certain fields obsolete. They are timeless and it is by becoming a good steward of your TAG that you will be guided to take the action that will allow you to begin to play a bigger game with far better outcomes. Winning on the economic playing field is important but winning at a soul-level is all-inclusive because that means you get the privileged experiences that money can and cannot buy.

 

Are You Doing What You Love?

Are You Doing What You Love?

Word Count:
548

Summary:
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. --Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

We are busier than we have ever been, working long hours and feeling under more and more pressure. How do you spend your days? For many people work and pleasure are seen as separate, with work being a chore that has to be done to pay the bills. It doesn't always have to be like that. Although we don't have to love ...

Keywords:
motivation,happiness,success,enjoyment,courage,confidence,commitment,attitude,fulfilment

Article Body:
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful. --Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965)

We are busier than we have ever been, working long hours and feeling under more and more pressure. How do you spend your days? For many people work and pleasure are seen as separate, with work being a chore that has to be done to pay the bills. It doesn't always have to be like that. Although we don't have to love everything we do, we do need to gain some enjoyment from most of what we do. Take a moment to see if it is time to start afresh and do something you love, something that adds the pleasure factor back into your working life?

Think about what matters to you and why you do the things you do. For each person that means something different. What aspects of a job are important to you? List them. Think about your dream job. Does it motivate and inspire you? If not, think again. It has to mean something to you; otherwise you will not be prepared to put in the effort to achieve what you want. Ask: 'What am I prepared to give up to make this happen?' 'What would I love to try?' 'What options do I have?' 'What are my talents, skills and qualities?' 'How can I utilise them in my ideal job?' How can you take an idea and turn it into reality? Get creative and think through how you could make money doing what you enjoy.

Starting anew requires courage, confidence and commitment. Hold on to your sense of purpose. Believe in yourself. Ignore the critics, for there are bound to be some, and face your fears (there will many of those too!). Ask for help from those people who can assist you and get supporters to keep you motivated. Research things that interest you and, if necessary, go back to basics and learn new skills. Develop a clear vision of where you'd like to be in 10 years' time – and why. Write it down. Be specific. This will provide you with something to focus on. Think creatively. This may not happen all of a sudden, but if you work at it gradually, day by day, it can happen.

And if starting something new is not for you, how can you love the job you already have? You can't always control your situation, but you can always choose how you react to it. Your attitude colours how you face every day and has an influence on the people around you. Choose to be positive. Are there areas of your job that you can improve on? Who can you discuss this with? Is a change to a new role in the same company an option? Examine the possibilities. Your job does not define you, but how you do it does.

And why bother? Doing what you love gives you a good reason to get up every morning. Your life will be challenging, certainly, exciting, definitely. Doing things you enjoy which give you personal fulfilment and satisfaction has been shown to contribute to good health and longevity. Don't wait for perfect circumstances to start. Begin now!

 

Are You a Trash Can for Others’ Negativity?

Are You a Trash Can for Others' Negativity?

Word Count:
658

Summary:
Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity."

"Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!"

Keywords:
negativity, negative people

Article Body:
Carmen, a client of mine, told me at the end of one of her sessions, "I'm no longer willing to be a trash can for others' negativity."

"Wow!" I said. "I'm delighted to hear that! And I love that metaphor!"

Carmen is a lovely, warm, intelligent and compassionate young woman in her late 20's. Coming from a very narcissistic mother, Carmen learned early in life to be safe from her mother's anger by listening to her mother's complaints. She learned to put aside her own feelings and be a mother to her mother. Of course, no matter how much she gave to her mother, it was never enough. It wasn't until Carmen started her inner work that she discovered was narcissism was.

Early in our work together, Carmen discovered that most of her friends were just like her mother. " I sit and listen to them complain or listen to them brag. They are never interested in me at all. If I say anything about myself, they always bring it right back to themselves. Why are so many of my friends like this?"

"Because you are willing to listen without speaking up for yourself. There are many self-absorbed people, narcissistic people with entitlement issues, who just love it when someone is willing to listen to them. As long as you are willing to listen their complaints and support their self-centeredness, they will continue to do it."

"But if I speak up, I won't have any friends."

"Well, you might not have many friends for awhile, but eventually you will find new friends – people who really care about you. When you are willing to care about yourself instead of putting yourself aside, you will attract people who care about you. But this will take time. You need to be willing to lose others rather than continue to lose yourself. Do you think you are ready to do this?"

"Yes! I don't want to be a trash can anymore. I don't want people dumping their negativity onto me anymore."

How do you feel inside when you allow others to dump their negativity - their complaints, their anger, their self-centeredness and sense of entitlement onto you? If you really look inside instead of pushing your own feelings into a closet, you will discover that you feel really lonely with these people. There is no mutual support, no sharing of love, no mutual giving and receiving. You give and they take, and you end up feeling drained and lonely. Yet you hang in there for fear of being alone with no friends or no partner.

If you are really honest with yourself, you will find that it's not worth it – that you deserve better than to be a trash can for others' negativity.

It takes faith and courage to speak up for yourself. It takes courage to say to your friend who is dumping her negativity onto you, "This doesn't feel good. Whenever we are together all you do is complain or talk on and on about yourself. You are never interested in me at all, and this is no longer okay with me. Either this needs to change or I don't want to spend time with you. It's not fun for me and I just end up feeling used and drained."

When you become willing to speak up for yourself, you will discover who really are your friends and who was just using you. Some people may say, "I'm so grateful you told me this. I didn't realize I was doing this. I want to stop, and I would appreciate your pointing it out to me next time I do it." Others will go into denial and say, "That's not true. I listen to you all the time." Others will just get angry and go away.

It's a great way to discover who your friends really are!

 

Are You A Time User Or A Time Waster?

Are You A Time User Or A Time Waster?

Word Count:
651

Summary:
If you are like me, you've often wished there were 48 hours in a day instead of just 24. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done that you want. Since we just have about 16 hours a day not counting sleep time, it's important how we use the time we have.

On the average, people waste about 2 hours a day. This is mainly from poor planning. If a person is unorganized, they waste time trying to find things, they miss appointments, they only do one thing at a t...

Keywords:
Time, time management, planning, success, priorities

Article Body:
If you are like me, you've often wished there were 48 hours in a day instead of just 24. There never seems to be enough time to get everything done that you want. Since we just have about 16 hours a day not counting sleep time, it's important how we use the time we have.

On the average, people waste about 2 hours a day. This is mainly from poor planning. If a person is unorganized, they waste time trying to find things, they miss appointments, they only do one thing at a time when they could be doing two.

Good time management is a major building block to success. Oftentimes, it's not how much time we spend working but how efficiently we do the work. The key to successful time management is careful planning and setting priorities.

Plan your day, your week, and your month in advance. Know when things need to be done. A great way to "buy time" is to multi-task. Do more than one thing at a time. There are many things that do not require concentrated mental effort. These are more easily combined.

"Failing to plan is planning to fail,"

- unknown

Even though I am a big pro football fan, I can't justify sitting down and spending three hours watching a game. I have to be doing other things while I do it. Thank goodness for instant replay! I've found this is a good time to spend icing injuries or some other busy work. I can also record the games and watch them while exercising. I exercise about 30 minutes a day so during the football season I can watch a game during the week without wasting any time doing it.

When you run errands try to do as many as you can on one trip. If you are self-employed, you can combine personal errands that are on the way to a business errand and have the mileage written off as a business expense.

I've been fortunate to have been able to work at home for the past ten years. It's been great because I hate to waste time commuting. If you must commute, you can use the time to listen to audio self-improvement tapes, audio books or anything educational.

If you are a regular exerciser and belong to a gym, think about working out at home. If you lack the space and money for exercise equipment, try traditional body weight exercises. A little research on the Internet can show you websites devoted to this subject. Even though I lifted weights for 20 years, I've converted to body weight exercises. I've found they feel better and get the same if not better results. Of course, if you go to the gym to socialize or network, that's okay. You're doing more than one thing at a time. You can go walking with your wife. That way you're getting exercise and husband / wife interaction at the same time.

Setting priorities enables you to get the most important things done. Keep you eye on the big picture. Don't let low priority things bump off the higher priority tasks from your schedule. If you've only got so much time, it's imperative you spend your time doing the things that bring you the most benefit.

"Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least."

– Goethe

Time is so precious. If you want to be successful in life you need to be spending more time being productive and doing things that are moving you forward. Spending hours a day watching TV, playing computer games, or surfing the Internet is not productive time usage. We all need downtime but you need to determine how much is really necessary. If you use your productive time efficiently then you will have more time to relax and do the fun things.

 

Are You a Negative Thinker?

Are You a Negative Thinker?

Word Count:
737

Summary:
Barbara sought my help because of her chronic fatigue. She had been going to different kinds of doctors and trying different nutrition plans for years and nothing was helping her. One of the doctors suggested that she try psychotherapy.

Keywords:
negative mindset, negativity

Article Body:
Barbara sought my help because of her chronic fatigue. She had been going to different kinds of doctors and trying different nutrition plans for years and nothing was helping her. One of the doctors suggested that she try psychotherapy.

In became evident early in our work together than Barbara was deeply addicted to thinking the worst. Constant negativity went through her mind about every aspect of her life. She would get out of her car and worry about getting robbed. In social situations, she would tell herself that people didn't like her. She was always worried about money, even though she was a successful graphic designer. Her husband could never do anything right. There was something wrong with every doctor she saw.

Negative thinking causes much stress in the body. I told Barbara to imagine that she was telling these negative thoughts to a child. How would the child feel most of the time? Barbara could see that this child would, of course, feel anxious and stressed much of the time in response to all the negativity and catastrophic thinking.

The medical profession has long told us that stress is one of the leading causes of illness. Stress sets into motion the body's fight or flight response, pouring cortisol into the body and eventually exhausting the adrenal glands. Adrenal exhaustion can be one of the results of so much negative thinking.

While Barbara could understand the possible effect her negative thinking was having on her health, it was extremely challenging for her to give up her negative thinking. Barbara deeply believed that her negative thinking kept her safe from disappointment. She believed that thinking the negative thought before the bad thing would happen prepared her to deal with it. She didn't want to be caught off guard. She believed that she could not handle the pain of disappointment, so that if she knew about it ahead of time and actually expected it, she wouldn't feel disappointed.

In addition, Barbara believed that if she was vigilant enough and thought through all the bad things that could happen, she could prevent them. She believed that by thinking ahead, she could somehow have control over the outcome of things.

Finally, Barbara also believed that she could control how people felt about her by acting right and saying the right thing. She was constantly vigilant about her behavior with others in her attempts to control how they felt about her and treated her.

However, in trying to control her feelings, others' feelings and the outcome of things, Barbara may have been causing her illness. The underlying cause of her negative thinking was her devotion to this control.

The problem with all of this is that it is based on an illusion – the illusion of control. The fact is that Barbara could not foresee every event that could cause her some pain. She was devastated every time something happened that she had not thought of beforehand. How could something painful come out of the blue like that? How could she have not foreseen it?

The paradox of all of this is that, in trying to foresee future catastrophes, Barbara was not present in the moment. Real safety is in being present in the moment so we can respond appropriately to whatever is happening in the moment. When we are fully present in the moment, we are available to receiving information from our inner Guidance. All of us have a Source of Guidance that is always available to us, and that is here to help us and protect us. But we can access our Guidance only when we are fully present in the moment, not when we are trying to control the future.

Barbara is in the process of becoming more aware of her negative thinking. She is not yet healthy, but she has some better days now, days that are lighter and more fun.

Moving out of negative thinking is a process that takes time. If you are a negative thinker, you have been practicing this form of thinking your whole life. It is not going to stop in a day. But if you tune into the stress you feel and learn to connect your stress with your negative thinking, you can slowly change this pattern.

Vitality and joy can be the result of letting go of your negative thinking and learning to be present in the moment.

 

Are You A Know-All Or No-All?

Are You A Know-All Or No-All?

Word Count:
247

Summary:
Expert or Generalist - what are you? Are you one who will know more and more about one subject and less and less about others? Or you are one who knows something about everything?

Keywords:
profession,work,business,success,

Article Body:
Expert or Generalist - what are you? Are you one who will know more and more about one subject and less and less about others? Or you are one who knows something about everything? Those of us who are experts are surprised that some people on the earth are generalists and vice-versa. But both the breeds exist on our earth. What are you? Which type is better?

Let us take example of medicine. For example if someone gets fever, he/she cannot approach a specialist, because they would not know which specialty is concerned. In this case they will have to first consult a generalist and after that if needed go to a specialist.

The problem arises when one is a total generalist in his/her profession/work/business. No growth can take place here because if you are in retail but know as much about retail as you know about export procedures, that will be of no help. Slowly you will have to develop expertise in retail to succeed.

Similarly, if you are an expert in retailing but know nothing about other professions, that will hurt your interests. You will find it difficult to grow because retail does not grow alone. It has to get support of other specialties also such as manufacturing.

What is the best way? The best option would be to develop expertise in one trade/profession and get related knowledge of other professions, which will be needed to grow in your chosen field.

 

Are The Stars Out Tonight? Reconnecting With The Power Of Mystery

Are The Stars Out Tonight? Reconnecting With The Power Of Mystery

Word Count:
917

Summary:
On a crisp June night I'm lying in my sleeping bag at 10,000 feet in the Sierra's Desolation Wilderness. Here, far from the light and haze of the Bay Area, the sky is deep black, but thick with twinkling dots and dim wisps of cottony light. When I look from the corner of my eye, the dim lights become more defined, easier to perceive as stars. To count them all would take years, if it was even possible. The number seems incomprehensible. And the mystery of what could exist out...

Keywords:

 

Article Body:
On a crisp June night I'm lying in my sleeping bag at 10,000 feet in the Sierra's Desolation Wilderness. Here, far from the light and haze of the Bay Area, the sky is deep black, but thick with twinkling dots and dim wisps of cottony light. When I look from the corner of my eye, the dim lights become more defined, easier to perceive as stars. To count them all would take years, if it was even possible. The number seems incomprehensible. And the mystery of what could exist out there, somewhere, at once inspires and humbles me.

Enthralled by the night sky, I struggle to keep my eyes open, knowing with a disquieting certainty that upon my return to the "real" world my focus will be drawn steadily and relentlessly away from the mysteries of the night sky.

The real world of responsibilities, work, relationships and bills provides a powerful distraction from the mystery of the night sky and the mystery of our lives. This point was driven home, recently, when I heard the following two intriguing but contradictory statements in the same day.

First, in a recording, Carolyn Myss observed that this is the first time in which entire generations will grow up without seeing the stars! Imagine growing up in a big, bright city, without the resources to leave, surrounded by light, smog and tall buildings that blot out all but the most determined of the celestial objects.

The second statement I heard came later that day, in an NPR story about the Hubble Space Telescope. A lead scientist for the telescope explained how, since the dawn of humanity we have been seeking to understand the origin of the Universe. This, he said, is the first time that we do understand it. We can see the spectral remnants from the Big Bang and actually listen to the sounds of the Universe moments after its formation.

What a strange world we have dreamed into existence. Our technology and science enables us to unravel the secrets of the stars while simultaneously creating communities that will never see them. As our understanding of our world and the Universe has expanded, we have, as a culture, become disconnected from the inherently mysterious nature of our existence. And as individuals we run the risk of losing touch with the powerful force of mystery in our lives.

When was the last time you laid out at night gazing into the sky? When was the last time you attempted to count the stars, or trace the outline of Ursa Major? When was the last time you wondered who or what might be out there in the vast reaches of space, or what your place is within this Universe?

Mystery is a source of power for humans. We draw creativity, passion, healing and inspiration from the Unknown. Artists, scientists, inventors and philosophers all speak of the mysterious nature of discovery, creation and problem solving. Shamans and Healers of all cultures understand that the unknown holds the power to heal and transform the Soul, Mind and Body. When we lose touch with that mystery, we lose touch with a source of personal and communal power.

Passion, too, comes from Mystery. Consider your intimate relationships, past or present. It is not the daily encounters or the practical matters that keep a relationship growing. Nor is it the moments of tenderness and intimacy. These are all integral parts of a relationship, forming the foundation and structure. But it is in the moments of Mystery and Discovery that the flame of passion is refueled: It is when your lover surprises you with a perfect gift. Or when you catch an unexpected glimpse of your partner kneeling over a flower to inhale its aroma. The door to Mystery opens also when your partner displays her anger for the first time, or when he trusts you with the sharing of a grief long held hidden.

These moments when you encounter something new and surprising about your lover take the relationship deeper into the mystery and are the moments of growth and renewal for each of you as individuals. It may be love that sustains a relationship, but it is the glimpses into the mystery that refuels love. Relationships begin to stagnate and die, not when love fades, but rather, when the doorway into the Mystery remains closed for too long.

This is equally true in your personal life. When you close the door that leads to your personal mysteries, you deprive yourself of a source of power and passion. One way to reopen that door, or open it wider, is to embrace the mysteries around you. How does a tiny acorn transform itself into a majestic oak tree? How do the birds know when it is time to migrate? How does this computer do what it does? What waits for us in the vast reaches of space?

Do not believe that the scientists know everything. If Christopher Columbus had accepted the prevailing wisdom of his day, he never would have set sail. If Einstein had believed the existing theories of matter, space and time, he would not have formulated the theory of relativity.

Bask in the mysteries. Challenge existing assumptions. Discover your own answers. Become curious and childlike when something intrigues you. Begin to open the door to the external mysteries and the door to your personal mysteries will soon follow. When it does, you will have access to a vast source of inspiration, creativity, and power.

 

Arachnophobia And Other Fears

Arachnophobia And Other Fears

Word Count:
1156

Summary:
We had a little excitement this morning at home. My wife came out of the bathroom and said, quite calmly, "Ed, there's a big black spider in the bathtub." Since I was watching my daughter, Ella, at the time, I carried her in there to investigate. I was a bit surprised that my wife did not call it a Brown Recluse. That's our running joke. She grew up in Brown Recluse territory, and so whenever she sees a brownish spider she says "Ed, I just saw a Brown Recluse. Go get it." I g...

Keywords:

 

Article Body:
We had a little excitement this morning at home. My wife came out of the bathroom and said, quite calmly, "Ed, there's a big black spider in the bathtub." Since I was watching my daughter, Ella, at the time, I carried her in there to investigate. I was a bit surprised that my wife did not call it a Brown Recluse. That's our running joke. She grew up in Brown Recluse territory, and so whenever she sees a brownish spider she says "Ed, I just saw a Brown Recluse. Go get it." I gently remind her that the Brown Recluse does not live in Northern California as I gather up the culprit and take it outside.

When Ella and I looked in the tub, I could understand why Melissa had not called it a Brown Recluse. This spider was a deep shiny black. I'm usually pretty casual about spiders, knowing that the only dangerous spider in our area is the black widow, a spider I had never before seen. But the color of this one caused me to act with a bit more caution. And it was good that I did. When I gathered up the critter in a Tupperware bowl, I could see, through the translucent plastic, a distinctive red hourglass on the belly. Here was my first Black Widow.

Needless to say, my wife did not share in my scientific enthusiasm at this discovery. She promptly took Ella from my arms and commanded me to take the spider far away from the house. I was gratified and a bit surprised that she did not encourage me to immediately squash it.

Now I want to pause here and put in a bit of a plug for spiders. They get a bad rap. They take the blame for a lot of stuff they don't do: flea bites, tick bites, bed bug bites, even mosquito bites. You name it, spiders take the blame for it. Most spiders don't bite humans, others only bite when confronted, and of those that do bite, there are only a handful that are truly dangerous to humans. Even the bite of the supposedly deadly Black Widow is fatal in less than 1% of all instances.

And then there are the legends that have grown up around the infamous Brown Recluse. Over 60% of the medically diagnosed Brown Recluse bites occur in regions in which the spider does not live! How a spider that lives only in the South Central portion of the USA can be responsible for so many unexplained ailments here in California and elsewhere is beyond me.

Here's a brief excerpt from a spider info site to give you some perspective:

A recent summary of reported spider bites in the United States between 1989 and 1993 included fewer than 5,000 incidents per year. These numbers seem small when compared to the over 800,000 dog bites that required stitches each year. During the study period, dog bites were responsible for 20 deaths per year, and auto-deer collisions were associated with 130 annual deaths. You might be surprised to learn that there were no spider-bite related fatalities during that four-year period.

At this point, you may be wondering what this has to do with life coaching. Fear not, I do have a point I'm getting to. And as the good Dr. Seuss would say, "This may not seem important I know. But it is, and that's why I'm bothering telling you so."

How do you feel about spiders? Do you cringe when you see one walking on your wall? Do you quiver at the thought of one crawling up your leg? Where do those feelings come from? When you were a youngster, did someone in your family go into paroxysms of fear whenever a spider was spotted? Did you inherit that fear? And does that fear continue to control your relationship with these critters?

Ok, lets face it, a fear of spiders is not going to prevent you from living a successful, abundant, joyous life. But here's the catch: What fears do you harbor that DO prevent you from living that life? What other fears have you inherited from your family and friends and the culture around you? And how do those fears keep from becoming the person you have the potential to be?

Because our fears are almost always founded in the past, they appear much larger than they really are. When we experience a fear in the present, we're really reacting to the projection of a deep-rooted belief that was planted inside us long ago. Just as the shadow of a spider walking in front of a light appears huge and frightening, so too do our fears become magnified many times when we look at the projection. The reality of the spider, when viewed from a place of present-time awareness, is much less scary. So too do your fears become manageable when you shift your perception from the shadow to the source.

Fears thrive on the lies and exaggerations that are possible only in the dark, hidden places. As soon as you bring those fears out into the light you can begin to see them for what they really are. The trick, of course, is knowing how to pull those fears out into the light.

So here's your assignment:

When you see a spider (or a snake or a mouse or you look down from a balcony or get onto a plane or fill in the blank) and you notice the dread that lives in the pit of your stomach, know that you have a great opportunity to practice shifting your perception. So the next time you find yourself face to face with a spider, rather than running away or calling for reinforcements, try to stop and breathe for a moment and become an explorer of your inner world. If you need to catch the spider and place it in a hermetically sealed container in order to breathe, that's ok! And then see if you can observe that spider with the objectivity of a scientist.

This practice will serve you well the next time you find yourself confronted by a fear that really does hold you back from the life you want to live. When you feel yourself quaking as you prepare to give a presentation, when you watch your arms quivering as you walk into a job interview, when your mouth becomes drier than the Sahara desert as you share your portfolio with a gallery owner, whenever you notice yourself entering a place of fear, become a scientist, objectively exploring the phenomenon. Become a neutral observer of your own life. When you discover the source of your fear, you may be surprised to find that the reality is much less scary than the perception.

Oh, and when you're done exploring those other fears, remember to say thank you to your new spider friends.

21 Septiembre Día Mundial del Alzheimer

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